Caveman Jack's Self-cleaning Oven

Author: amabaie

Caveman Jack`s Self-cleaning Oven 16th March 2006 Author: amabaie
Caveman Jack`s Self-cleaning Oven
By David Leonhardt

We live in a self-cleaning oven. Not literally, of course. We
would burn up if we did. Those things get really HOT!

In fact, self-cleaning ovens get so hot that they burn orange
juice to a crisp. They get so hot that they melt thermometers.
The produce enough hot air to replace the entire American Senate,
the British Parliament and the Canadian PMO put together.
Unfortunately, certain trade barriers and constitutional clauses
impede the replacement of deadwood political assemblies by
modern, efficient self-cleaning ovens.

The self-cleaning oven is part of the "oven" genus of machines.
Households these days also boast a microwave oven, a toaster, a
toaster oven, a waffle maker, a bread maker, a popcorn cooker, an
auto-shut kettle and several other specialty "ovens". The
combined hot air form all these cooking machines could turn any
ordinary home into an instant Parliament.

Like the self-cleaning oven, everything is automated these days.
It makes life so easy. In fact, the machines could almost run
the world without us. Almost.

The ovens practically clean themselves. My great, great, great
uncle, Caveman Jack, had to clean his oven with a stick. The
hardest part was trying to figure out which rock was the oven.

Automated doors at the grocery store open and close even when
nobody walks through...except for those few that still function
properly.

Lights turn on an off on their own, as long as there is somebody
there to applaud, which brings me to question the self-esteem of
lighting fixtures.

Lint gets caught in the lint trap. Caveman Jack had to trap his
own lint, but then somebody invented the clothes dryer, and
people have not had to hunt for lint ever since.

Planes fly on autopilot these days. Gone are the days when
Caveman Jack had to pedal over a cliff to take flight. Now
pilots can sit back, sip a drink and snooze while airplanes fly
themselves. Word is that Al Qaeda has developed a self-hijacking
plane, but they can`t seem to develop a customer base.

Television remote controls, officially called "doodadders", have
made legs virtually redundant, except for bathroom breaks. In
Caveman Jack`s days, they had to get up off their rocks to change
the channels. If Caveman Jack had had a doodadder, he might
still be sitting on his rock praying that somebody will soon
invent a bathroom.

To be frank, I think the Office of Modern Conveniences has
misguided priorities. My oven doesn`t need cleaning all that
badly. But my office does. And so does my kitchen. And my
laundry room. And my bathroom. Why doesn`t somebody invent a
self cleaning bathroom?

Oops. I forgot. Somebody did invent a self-cleaning bathroom.
On our honeymoon in Rome, we used the bathroom in a Roman Metro
station. As soon as we left the bathroom the automatic door shut
and the bathroom was rinsed from sprinklers all around.

Did I mention that Caveman Jack was a sugar sculptor? He carved
lovely sculptures of rocks out of sugar. What if one day, while
riding the Roman Metro to a sugar sculpture showing, Caveman Jack
suddenly had to rush to the washroom?

Leaving the washroom, he remembers his prize sculpture entitled
"Rock" sitting on the bathroom floor. Too late. The automatic
doors close. The water flushes the bathroom clean.

Later that day at the sugar sculpture exhibit, everyone gathers
`round and marvels at the latest offering by Caveman Jack:
"Little Rock".

Caveman Jack is probably happy that he doesn`t have a self-
cleaning oven. Too much convenience is not always good for the
soul. Besides, there`s nothing like an open fire to cook a juicy
mammoth steak.

Saaaay...how about a self-cleaning fire pit?


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: He is author of:
Inspiration & Motivation To Go:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
The Get Happy Workbook:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-work-book.html
and Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum
happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
To write your website copy, newsletter or anything else, email
him at: info@...


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: (in HTML)

David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: He is author of Inspiration & Motivation To Go and
Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness
, as well as The Get Happy Workbook. To write your website
copy, newsletter or award winning biodegradable cereal box copy,
just email him.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php

Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_36751_15.html

  [ Read more... ]

Honeymoon Vacation Packages

By: Kent Pinkerton

Newlywed couples derive immense thrill from honeymoons in exotic destinations. Honeymoon vacations give them an opportunity to spend intimate time together far from the world of anxieties and worries. Hotels and resorts in renowned and much-sought-after honeymoon destinations offer special honeymoon vacation packages to their prospective clients. The packages ensure a hassle-free time of comfort and leisure for honeymoon couples who do not have to take pains to arrange for different services, since they are generally included in honeymoon vacation packages.

A typical honeymoon vacation package in the enchanting island of Hawaii begins at $510 per night for a honeymoon couple. This exclusive package includes a premium ocean-view room, convertible rental car, a chilled bottle of champagne upon arrival, a daily breakfast buffet for two, and dinner for two one time during your stay ($100 value)

If couples are contemplating a honeymoon vacation in San Francisco, rates start at $245/night for a club level room, and from $315/night for a club level suite, and include a club level room or suite, champagne upon arrival, complimentary continental breakfast buffet in club level lounge, handmade chocolates at turndown, and special bath amenities.

Las Vegas is one of the favorite destinations for honeymoon vacationers, and most of the renowned hotels and resorts in Las Vegas promote premium and economical honeymoon packages.

Las Vegas hotels offer a great deal more than just betting activities to couples spending their honeymoon holidays in the enchanting tourist locale. Most of the resorts are known for their characteristic appeal and elegant swimming pools, shopping, health spas, nightclubs, restaurants, and other amusements.

Honeymoon Vacations provides detailed information on Honeymoon Vacations, Honeymoon Vacation Packages, All Inclusive Honeymoon Vacations, Hawaii Honeymoon Vacations and more. Honeymoon Vacations is affiliated with Bahamas Vacation Rental .

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kent_Pinkerton

  [ Read more... ]